There are moments when I am envisioning my future and it feels like everything I’m manifesting is so in reach. Like it’s all waiting for me right at the ends of my finger tips. And then there are moments where I feel like I have no idea where to even begin. I contemplate my journey and I feel intimidated thinking about resuming my life again past this period of stillness we’ve been living in. And after feeling both of those things I ask myself, “why would resuming your life again make you feel intimidated?”. And the answer I’ve come up with is that perhaps I wasn’t living the life entirely in the way that I wanted to prior to Covid.
I have learned a lot in these past 10 months but something that is speaking loud for me is this: if we keep reaching for things that are not giving us true fulfillment, we will eternally be reaching and never receiving. If we keep looking for answers outside of ourselves, we will always be looking and never discovering.
From a young age, we are programmed into thinking that there is a life structure we should seek in order to be prosperous — go to a prestigious school, land a lucrative job, work your way up the ladder, find a partner, get married, have kids, and so on. I have long contemplated this definition of a “successful” life and often wonder where the true fulfillment comes into play and more so, why do we believe in it so much? I am grateful for the support that I received from my family to nurture my artistry from the time I entered this world. I was always encouraged to follow my heart and was constantly reminded that I was capable of doing anything and everything I wanted to in this life. So, I began to forge my own path at a young age and I always pursued the creative passions that I had, even if they didn’t necessarily fit into this construct that I was exposed to.
In the past few years of my recent adulthood, I, without realizing it, started to lose this power and drive that I embodied when I was younger. I was being suffocated by the idea that this path I’ve begun to forge wasn’t the “right” path and that I needed to get a “real” job. I somehow convinced myself that my artistry would never be enough and that I was a failure. I resisted doing some of the most important things in my life, performing being one of them, out of fear that it wasn’t what I was supposed to be doing. I was so worried about meeting that illusionary standard that I was neglecting the very pieces of myself that make me who I am.
It’s been difficult for me to acknowledge that the way I want to live my life may not be the way that society wants me to live my life. How conditioned are we that we can’t even allow ourselves to be free and not feel guilty about it? Free of outside pressures, free of the “need” to have this or do that, or be “successful” or get a “good” job, all on some imaginary timeline, nonetheless. Who defines these things? Where are YOU in that equation? Are you slowly losing yourself to that illusion of a standard that will only bring you further from who you truly are?
I will always be an artist. It is who I am and it is who I’ve always been. And although my orbit has been at a standstill, I’ve come to realize that as long as I am doing the things that I love, even if it’s in my childhood home at 25 years old, I am certain I will always feel true joy and fulfillment. I have been creating and making art more in the past 10 months than I have in years. Writing poetry and essays, making music and jewelry, singing, playing instruments, dancing, painting. I am doing these things for me, not for anyone else. I have taken more pride in my crafts because I feel that I am beginning to do things the way that I want instead of the way I am “supposed” to. To me, that is a definition of success I would much rather hold on to.
There is a blissful feeling that is attained upon entering into the awareness that we already have everything that we will ever need within ourselves.
All of the external reaching and lack of internal exploring is where we begin to lose who we are. The feeling of not being enough in this world is a fictitious notion that we somehow convince ourselves of, which in turn, veers you to believe that you need to change yourself or become something else. Well, I am here to tell you that you are enough. You are more than enough. Just the way you are.
Despite this past year being one of the darkest of my life so far, I am proud of myself for reawakening the places within that I had previously been neglecting. I am proud of myself for coming to these realizations that I know will guide me into my next human phase. I know that as long as I continue to listen to my heart and inner-truths, I am already creating the reality that I envision as I write this. It may not be tangible yet which makes it difficult to grasp, but we must remember that the spirit is always hard at work. Even during this period of suffering and stagnation, the spirit is vibrating and receiving frequencies that may not be visible, but they are there.
In all that has been said, I hope this message (if anything) reminds you to never let go of the things that make you who you are. All of the dreams, the visions, the passions that you are pushing aside — what is stopping you from pursuing them? I’m not here to tell you to swear off society and rebel against everything you know, I’m just here to tell you that you are the creator of your reality and if your desires don’t fit into the structure you are presumed to be following, it is your right to create your own path — with no shame. You were not built to fit inside of a cookie cutter, so don’t slice off parts of yourself just to squeeze into that shape. Even if it doesn’t make the most money, or live up to cultural standards, I hope you choose the things that bring you true bliss, anyway. I hope you remember that there is not one way to live. There is your way to live. You are driving the car and those voices instilling fear and doubt are the backseat drivers — don’t listen to them. Keep driving. At your own pace, on your own road, with your own passions, values and beliefs.
Success is not something we should strive for outside of ourselves, it is something that is birthed within.
And I promise everything you will ever need already resides in you.
So, I hope that we all are able to tap into that sacred, inner-power that breathes within each and every one of us. I hope that we all find true joy and peace within ourselves. And then perhaps as a collective, we can get to a place where we begin to share that peace and love with one another more steadily.
Thank you for reading. Now go and be you.
With Love and Light,